The Gospel and Marriage — Mark 10:1-12

by John Davis

The Gospel and Marriage

Mark 10:1-12

1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them.

    2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied.

4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. 6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

    10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

The impact of the gospel on our lives and the call to follow Jesus as Lord affect our view of marriage. The values of Jesus’ kingdom contradict the values of this world. The kingdom of Jesus Christ turns the values of the kingdom of Satan upside down.

Are we going to live by His kingdom values or by the values of this world?

Introduction:   �

    This text it is important for at least three reasons:

1. For what it says about marriage commitment;
   
2. For what is implies about gratuitous sex.
   
3. For how it exposes all of us to our need of the gospel.
   

COMMIMENT – Many young people today have not witnessed commitment. They’ve seen the heartbreak of marriages gone awry and do not want to get married.

I spoke with a young guy one day who complimented my Harley belt buckle. We talked about my motorcycle and he said that he had one like it but lost it in a divorce. I said that it is tragic to lose both a wife and a Harley. He responded: “I was glad to lose the wife.” That comment somewhat explains why he lost both!

Some in marriages are unhappy and looking for a way out. (Someone has said that marriage is like a walled-city. Those on the inside want to get out and those on the outside are trying to get in.) There are those who were married and now divorced who wonder if they should ever take that risk again. Some who are remarried face similar problems that affected the dissolution of their former marriage.

    Life-long commitment is an awesome challenge, yet a wonderful opportunity.

GRATUITOUS SEX – Not only is commitment a problem in our society but so also is ‘gratuitous, promiscuous sex’ (sex outside of marriage).
Whereas, God intends that that ‘one flesh’ relationship enacted in sex be the consequence and seal of the covenant of marriage, in our rebellion against God we make sex only a means of pleasure (which it is) rather than a seal of a covenant relationship as husband and wife.

Hebrews 13:4 ⁴ Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Unmarried men and women should be saying to each other: “I will not give myself sexually to you until you make a formal and public covenant with me that ‘I will be yours only – until death.'”

In this debate with the Pharisees Jesus offers some of his views on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. They come to him to test him, not to prove his worth but hoping to see him falter by being out of sync with contemporary religious and cultural views of sex and marriage.

Moral and religious issues over which cultures are divided provide an opportunity for Christians to either shrink back over fear of offending someone or to speak what God has spoken. Jesus doesn’t shrink back.

The kingdom of Christ and the gospel of Christ are not only about personal redemption but about redeeming all aspects of human life – including redeeming marriage. The gospel of Jesus redeems marriage. Marriage in the kingdom of Jesus is restored to God’s original intent.

This text does not contain all that the Bible says about marriage, divorce, and remarriage, but it lays out foundational principles for any further discussion.

1. Gospel forgiveness overcomes the hardness of heart that allowed for a certificate of divorce under the law of Moses.
   

In the kingdom of Satan selfishness overrules forgiveness.

To those who are married he would say – Let the gospel soften your hard heart!

2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” 3 “What did Moses command you?” he replied. 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” 5 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied.

    There were two schools of Pharisees who interpreted differently Moses’ words about divorce. Listen to what Moses said:

Deuteronomy 24:1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house . . ..    

The Shammai School said that the matter of indecency referred to adultery. The more liberal Hillel school said that a man could divorce his wife for anything that displeased him, even for burning a meal. It appears that in the first century the most common reason for divorce was to marry someone else. Remember that John the Baptist was imprisoned and was beheaded because he rebuked Herodias for leaving her husband and marrying his brother, Herod Antipas.

Those asking Jesus the question about divorce were interested only in the legal aspects. They were not interested in the deeper moral and spiritual issues. Jesus goes to the heart of why Moses regulated divorce – he was protecting women by commanding that the husbands give a written reason for the divorce. He was regulating an existing cultural practice. Jesus overturns Moses.

Jesus identifies “hardness of heart” as the root problem? Why does divorce even become an option in a marriage? Is it not because of sin? We know that sin happens – every day in every marriage. Sometimes it is the sin of one spouse that breaks a marriage; other times it is the sin of both. At no time is there total innocence on anyone’s part.

The Mosaic law granting divorce was a concession to the hardness of your heart. It was never commanded by God, but permitted because of the hardness of the offending party (in the cruelty of their unfaithfulness to their spouse). It was also permitted because of the hardness of the offended party (being unable to perfectly forgive and restore a damaged relationship). (Guzik – http://www.studylight.org/com/guz/view.cgi?book=mr&chapter=010)

Jesus says – the gospel calls you to a higher standard! Don’t let hardness of heart lead you to divorce!

I realize at times that it takes both spouses to keep a marriage from divorce. Both spouses must fight hardness of heart. At times it is my hardness of heart that leads me to sin. At other times it my hardness of heart that keeps me from forgiving my spouses sin. It may be hardness of heart toward God, or toward your spouse, or toward life itself. But you can always follow the trail of a broken marriage back to a hardened heart.

Think about what a hard heart does? The same word is used to describe the disciples whose hearts were so hard they couldn’t believe in the resurrection of Jesus.

Mark 16:14 Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen.

    To many of us today, Jesus is saying, Stay married. Let the gospel touch your own hardness of heart and be prayerful and patient with the hardness of heart in your spouse. STAY MARRIED! FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE!

Marriage is hard work. Sometimes it is frustrating work. At times in the comfort of selfishness we want to run and say, I’d rather be alone than die to self and selfishness. But the KING says, hardness of heart is no excuse. The gospel is real and powerful and transforming. You have been forgiven – no forgive others as God for Christ sake has forgiven you.

Let me say by way of application that hardness of heart is likely at the root of most broken relationships. You may be experiencing that today. Let me ask you to consider:

Can the forgiveness that you have received through Chris empower you in such a way to soften you hard so that you can forgive those whose have offended you?

Ephesians 4:32 ³² Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

No one will ever sin against you in a great way than you have sinned against God. You will never need to grant a forgiveness greater than the one you have already experienced in Christ. The forgiveness you have from Christ is like a deep well from which you can always draw the water of forgiveness.

1. The kingdom of Jesus upholds God’s original intent of marriage
   

In the kingdom of Satan marriage is taken lightly.

If you sat down with Jesus and had a discussion on marriage, what would be say to you?

In a world where meaning of marriage is defined by community, i.e. marriage is whatever culture says it is, Jesus reminds us that God has spoken both in his actions and words and has something definitive to say about marriage,.   �

He would say – Marriage is God’s creation and gift! (Before the law and after the law)

    With all of its challenges and disappointments, marriage is still God’s plan for the human race.

    Jesus makes clear that marriage was and is God’s design from the beginning — one man and one woman in union for life. Listen to his words:

6 “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

We should desire neither to be culturally obtrusive and insensitive, or politically correct when it comes to marriage. We should simply accept what God says and communicate that in love.

It takes a male and female to experience the one flesh union that God designed for marriage. Anything else – male to male, female to female or even multiple heterosexual relationships is an aberration. Anyone who knows anything about basic plumbing can understand that! Many people want the experience of sexual union without the underlying commitment that precedes it. In so doing they rebel against God.

Jesus would say, “Don’t trust any man or woman who wants the experience of sexual union outside the commitment heterogeneous monogamous marriage.”

Our longing for companionship and sexual fulfillment becomes idolatry when it so consumes us that we reject God’s rule over our lives in order to get what we want our way; or that longing can be coupled with patient faith in a Sovereign and loving God who alone hears and satisfies the cry of the soul.

There is no more beautiful human relationship than a man and woman in love, committed to each other, respecting each other, growing together, and staying together for life.

An aside:

Let me say that to most single people Jesus would say, pursue marriage, though he says in the parallel passage in Matthew 19 that there are some who are made eunuchs, some who are born eunuchs, and some who choose to be eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven. This celibate state is more the exception than the rule. It is a calling given to some for the kingdom.

    What is a eunuch? Literally, a eunuch was a castrated male. Originally he was one who was in charge of the bed chamber in a royal household. We find a few eunuchs in the Bible. Hegai and Shaashgaz were in charge of the king’s harem in the book of Esther. In Acts we read of the Ethiopian eunuch who was in charge of the queen’s belongings. The word is also used of a male born without the ability to reproduce. Figuratively, it was used of one who imposed sexual abstinence on himself, i.e. he was celibate.

• Unless you fit into one of the above three categories, it is likely that marriage is in your future.
  
• If singleness is your calling, then you uphold and honor marriage by remaining celibate.
  

The wise man Agur in Proverbs said that there were four marvelous things that were too amazing for him. One of them was the way of a man with a maiden (Prov 30:19).

There is something beautiful about romance – the love between a man and a woman.

You need to know that love is not dead. I suspect that at times you and I are guilty of focusing so much on hurting and broken marriages that we overlook the good marriages that are all around us. All marriages, even healthy and strong marriages, have times of conflict and struggle, but through Jesus Christ, we can have victory through those valleys, and come out loving our covenant spouse even more. Far greater, we come out of the valleys of marriage loving the Lord even more, once we recognize who heals our hurts at home.        �

Marriage as a monogamous indissoluble union is an important expression of its archetype – the union of Christ and His church.

Ephesians 5:31-32 ³¹ “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” ³² This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

One church (one bride composed of all true believers) in indissoluble union with Christ.

1. The kingdom of Jesus calls us to uphold the exclusiveness and permanence of marital union.
   

10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. 11 He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. 12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

To divorce the spouse with whom you’ve entered into a dissoluble union and to marry another is to commit adultery against that spouse.

He’s saying, so you want to get rid of one husband or wife and get another one – that’s adultery. Jesus condemns a casual approach to marriage wherein one is motivated by ‘the grass is greener on the other side” or “life is too difficult, we must be incompatible.”

Let’s take the King at His words. Yes, there are other texts that add shades of nuance to the whole subject of divorce and remarriage, but none are as clear as this text.

Before you start looking for the ‘escape’ from a difficult marriage, you must first seriously consider Jesus’ words about its sanctity and permanence.

You may be saying, well what about those who have already violated the standards of the kingdom of Jesus Christ?

To those who have suffered pain and brokenness in marriage, he says – you can be forgiven! To those have divorced and remarried he would say – you can be forgiven! Divorce is sin but not the unforgiveable sin.

Those in Christ who have suffered divorce do not walk around with a big ‘D’ on the shirts but a big (FBG) forgiven by grace.

I know that when you read these words you don’t see forgiveness, but if you look at Jesus’ interactions with those who broke the covenant of marriage, He always offered grace and mercy.

Again, prior to divorce Jesus is always pushing for the marriage. In this context he is addressing those who are married and contemplating divorce and remarriage.

But, what does Jesus say to them who’ve experienced pain and brokenness is marriage?

How does Jesus treat people who have broken their marriage vows? Some are the initiators of divorce; some are the unwilling recipients of divorce. What does Jesus say to you?

Look at three examples in the life of Jesus:

John 4 – the Samaritan woman was divorced and remarried five times and was living in fornication.

16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.” 17 “I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” John 4:16-18

    How did Jesus treat her? Did he condemn her or forgive her? Did he treat her as a second class citizen? Did he offer her judgment or salvation? Was she not invited to drink of the water of life?

    How do you and I treat divorced and remarried people?

John 8 – a woman who is taken in adultery. Under the Mosaic Law both she and the man were worthy of death. The Pharisees bring her to the Lord to have her condemned!

3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

How did Jesus treat her? He always meets those who own their own guilt with grace. The self-justifying face judgment; the broken receive grace.

Luke 7 – The sinful woman (wife) who washed Jesus’ feet.

36 Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. 37 When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, 38 and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. 39 When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is– that she is a sinner.” 40 Jesus answered him, “Simon, I have something to tell you.” “Tell me, teacher,” he said. 41 “Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?” 43 Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled.” “You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. 44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven– for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” 48 Then Jesus said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” 49 The other guests began to say among themselves, “Who is this who even forgives sins?” 50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.”

    How did Jesus treat this woman who very possibly was married, yet had lived a sinful life? Your sins are forgiven.

The only way we can approach marriage is as sinners who know the transforming power of the gospel. What power do you see in the gospel to transform your view of marriage?

This text restores and upholds marriage as God intended it. In so doing, it sets forth a standard that exposes our weakness and sinfulness and causes our souls to cry our for the kind of humbling and empowering grace that only the gospel can give.

    If you’re not married, the transforming power of the gospel is your only hope that you can honor God and marriage by avoiding the idolatry of sex and waiting to enter into marital union with someone and find happiness. Sin is always the problem and the gospel is the only remedy for sin. If the gospel is not filling your life with contentment, then you probably are not ready for marriage. If you enter as a needy person, expecting the other person to fill that need, you will be disappointed. If you enter marraige in the fullness of the gospel, then out of the fullness you have something to bring into marriage.

    If you are married, the transforming power of the gospel is your only hope for a life-long marriage because it is sin that wreaks havoc in your marriage.

    If you have broken your marriage vows, the gospel is your only hope for cleansing and new life. If you are divorced and considering remarriage, Walter Trobisch offers some good advice on remarriage in his book I Married You.
The story is about a Christian marriage counselor who spent four days in an African city helping people with their views of sex and marriage. At one point he was asked, “Would you remarry divorcees without hesitation?” He replied, “Not without hesitation, with much hesitation, but in some circumstances I would. Now our secular culture would readily answer “yes’ to that question. Our religious culture would say “no” unless it was the innocent party. Listen to Trobisch’s answer. “In any case,” he said, “I would remarry only the guilty parties.”

    What did he mean by that? He meant that if anyone claims that he is entirely innocent and the fault was totally his partner’s, then it is certain that any subsequent marriage is doomed to failure.

Conclusion:

If Jesus is the God-sent king whose kingdom triumphs over the kingdom of Satan, we should rejoice not only when he casts out demons, we should rejoice when he says, let forgiveness not hardness of heart be what rules your marriage.

   �

If Jesus is the God-sent king whose kingdom triumphs over the kingdom of Satan, we should rejoice not only when he casts out demons, but when he says, “My Father’s original design for marriage in creation still stands.

If Jesus is the God-sent king whose kingdom triumphs over the kingdom of Satan, we should rejoice not only when he casts out demons but when he upholds the sanctity of marriage.

We made a promise, a marriage vow

A life-commitment we’re keeping now

We spoke those words designed to bless

Through sickness, poverty, and distress

Two became one, a new life was born

Husband and wife on a blissful morn

Unfading beauty, deeper than skin

Hearts tightly woven deep within

A new bond is tested, proven, and tried

Sin tries to wrench a spouse from your side

Like a rib transplanted, the fusion resists

Faithful love makes a marriage persist

Marriage is tough but Jesus is good

He transforms as He said he would

Filling each day with grace anew

He alone fashions one out of two

(JPD)

John Davis

On September 10, 1970 I came to understand the great love of God for me, a sinner and a rebel. That evening I received God’s forgiveness and a new life through Jesus Christ, who died in my place and rose again to offer forgiveness and new life. I have been senior pastor for over 30 years planting two churches in Buckingham, PA and Queens, NY and serving two other churches in Brooklyn, NY and Roslyn, PA. I am currently the lead pastor at Grace Church of Philly.