Brokenness or Criticism

Brokenness or Criticism

Dr. John P. Davis

Imagine George and Jeannette who have been married for 15 years. They profess to be Christians. Their lives are pressured with raising three children and all the demands of daily life. George works hard to provide income for the family. Jeannette’s life is consumed with children and household. Both of them struggle with a growing dissatisfaction over the monotonous routine of their lives. They have learned how to play the ‘blame game.’ Both are sure that the other spouse is at fault for their unhappiness. Bickering, criticism, or silence often marks their time together. Their sex life falters. Their children sense the unhappiness of the parents. George and Jeannette exist together in the same house. They long for something better. They either hope that somehow the other one will change and stop causing their unhappiness or they quietly search for a way out of their unhappy life.

Though the names of the characters change, George and Jeannette’s story is the story of millions of couples. Through the years, I’ve counseled many married couples whose homes are shattered with criticism. There is no magic wand to wave that makes all the hurt go away. There is no simple formula that transforms a failing marriage overnight. But, there is hope!

I like to ask George and Jeannette this question. “Share with me the last meaningful time you spent alone with God and what that time consisted of.” Invariably, their answer to the question reveals the barrenness of their souls. Usually the following are true of George and Jeannette.

First, I find that their walk with Christ is sporadic, sometime emotional and mystical, but rarely substantial because it does not include regular Bible reading and prayer and church attendance. God’s Word is the means by which He speaks to broken lives and brings restoration. Our prayer is our confession of love for Him and need of Him. Church attendance is that primary weekly ritual wherein I declare that I am a follower of the resurrected Christ and the church is that community where I am nurtured in fellowship with other believers.

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The Threefold Benefit of Trials

The following is excerpted from part one of Jonathan Edwards’ classic A Treatise Concerning Religious Affections, which can be downloaded in its entirety in PDF format here.

1 Peter 1:8: Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory.

In these words, the apostle represents the state of the minds of the Christians he wrote to, under the persecutions they were then the subjects of. These persecutions are what he has respect to, in the two preceding verses, when he speaks of the trial of their faith, and of their being in heaviness through manifold temptations.

Such trials are of threefold benefit to true religion. Hereby the truth of it is manifested, and it appears to be indeed true religion; they, above all other things, have a tendency to distinguish between true religion and false, and to cause the difference between them evidently to appear. Hence they are called by the name of trials, in the verse nextly preceding the text, and in innumerable other places; they try the faith and religion of professors, of what sort it is, as apparent gold is tried in the fire, and manifested, whether it be true gold or no. And the faith of true Christians being thus tried and proved to be true, is “found to praise, and honor, and glory,” as in that preceding verse.

And then, these trials are of further benefit to true religion; they not only manifest the truth of it, but they make its genuine beauty and amiableness remarkably to appear. True virtue never appears so lovely, as when it is most oppressed; and the divine excellency of real Christianity, is never exhibited with such advantage, as when under the greatest trials: then it is that true faith appears much more precious than gold! And upon this account is “found to praise, and honor, and glory.”

And again, another benefit that such trials are of to true religion, is, that they purify and increase it. They not only manifest it to be true, but also tend to refine it, and deliver it from those mixtures of that which is false, which encumber and impede it; that nothing may be left but that which is true. They tend to cause the amiableness of true religion to appear to the best advantage, as was before observed; and not only so, but they tend to increase its beauty, by establishing and confirming it, and making it more lively and vigorous, and purifying it from those things that obscured its luster and glory. As gold that is tried in the fire, is purged from its alloy, and all remainders of dross, and comes forth more solid and beautiful; so true faith being tried as gold is tried in the fire, becomes more precious, and thus also is “found unto praise, and honor, and glory.” The apostle seems to have respect to each of these benefits, that persecutions are of to true religion, in the verse preceding the text.