Posts tagged: conflict resolution

Brokenness or Criticism

Brokenness or Criticism

Dr. John P. Davis

Imagine George and Jeannette who have been married for 15 years. They profess to be Christians. Their lives are pressured with raising three children and all the demands of daily life. George works hard to provide income for the family. Jeannette’s life is consumed with children and household. Both of them struggle with a growing dissatisfaction over the monotonous routine of their lives. They have learned how to play the ‘blame game.’ Both are sure that the other spouse is at fault for their unhappiness. Bickering, criticism, or silence often marks their time together. Their sex life falters. Their children sense the unhappiness of the parents. George and Jeannette exist together in the same house. They long for something better. They either hope that somehow the other one will change and stop causing their unhappiness or they quietly search for a way out of their unhappy life.

Though the names of the characters change, George and Jeannette’s story is the story of millions of couples. Through the years, I’ve counseled many married couples whose homes are shattered with criticism. There is no magic wand to wave that makes all the hurt go away. There is no simple formula that transforms a failing marriage overnight. But, there is hope!

I like to ask George and Jeannette this question. “Share with me the last meaningful time you spent alone with God and what that time consisted of.” Invariably, their answer to the question reveals the barrenness of their souls. Usually the following are true of George and Jeannette.

First, I find that their walk with Christ is sporadic, sometime emotional and mystical, but rarely substantial because it does not include regular Bible reading and prayer and church attendance. God’s Word is the means by which He speaks to broken lives and brings restoration. Our prayer is our confession of love for Him and need of Him. Church attendance is that primary weekly ritual wherein I declare that I am a follower of the resurrected Christ and the church is that community where I am nurtured in fellowship with other believers.

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The Unfreezing of the Christian Church

Unfreezing is an aspect of Kurt Lewin’s force field analysis model. This is a model of “systemwide change that helps change agents diagnose the forces that drive and restrain proposed organizational change” (McShane and Von Glinow, 2009, p. 488). Unfreezing refers to the “first part of the change process whereby the change agent produces disequilibrium between the driving and restraining forces” (p. 489).

Systemic organizational change is rarely, if ever, achieved without conflict. This is true in churches and it is true in business. This process of change has been shown to have identifiable agents that participate in organizational movement from the status quo to a desired condition or state of affairs. The preeminent model that describes systemic change is Kurt Lewin’s “force field analysis.” This model assists in diagnosing “the forces that drive and restrain proposed organizational change” (McShane and Von Glinow, 2008, p. 488).

On the one side of this model, there are “driving forces” that are pushing “organizations toward a new state of affairs” (p. 488). On the other side, resisting the change, there are “restraining forces” that are striving gallantly to maintain the status quo. Carol Bartz (2009), the new chief executive officer of Yahoo, Inc. has witnessed this firsthand. She has correctly observed that organizations frequently can “get in the way of innovation” (“Question of Management”). Often the restraining forces are fearful of change, and automatically assume a hostile stance toward anything new or different. This hostility drives behavior that ends up restraining, or attempting to restrain, the winds of change.  

s Force Field Analysis Model

Within organizational settings, change cannot occur without an “unfreezing” of the status quo. A distortion must be introduced into the organization in order for an unfreezing to occur. The unfreezing process begins as (1) the driving forces for change become more prevalent, (2) when restraining forces are diminished, or (3) as a result of a combination of both of these occurrences (McShane and Von Glinow, 2008, p. 489).

For instance, driving forces for change become more pronounced when someone new is inserted into a key point within the structure of the organization. In a church setting, this can occur when a new pastor or elder is called to serve the congregation. This person may, knowingly or not, begin an unfreezing process that moves the organization in a new direction. “Change rarely occurs by increasing driving forces alone, however, because the restraining forces often adjust to counterbalance the driving forces” (p. 492).

Restraining forces can be diminished when key leaders or managers within an organization relocate, retire, or pass away. If a person was influential within the organization, these types of events can easily begin to move the group in a new direction. If restraining forces are declining as driving forces for change are increasing, then movement from the status quo to a new condition is probably inevitable. Thus, the process of unfreezing begins.

The unfreezing process can create great tension and disharmony within the organization. The disequilibrium that results can generate a considerable amount of stress for those who desire no movement from the existing state of affairs. Those in positions of authority must handle this instability with great care and gracious understanding for those who are uncomfortable with the movement to a new condition. Disgruntled and disenchanted people, even if in the minority, can be a great hindrance to the growth of any organization. Effective resistance to change can take many forms that undermine the goals of the leaders who are trying to move the organization to a better position in order to accomplish their mission.

Rather than resenting the reality of resistance, leaders and managers would do well to consider the brute fact that many people oppose change simply because they fear the process of change itself. The following six items are forces that resist organizational change, adapted from McShane and Von Glinow (2008). These forces are manifest to some degree in all organizational settings, even, regrettably, in churches:

(1)  Direct costs. People tend to block actions that they perceive will cost them something. This cost is weighed socially, economically, or psychologically.

(2)  Saving face. Some resist change as a political strategy in order to enhance their personal reputation within the organization.

(3)  Fear of the unknown. People resist change out of worry that they will not be able to properly adjust and acclimate themselves to the new environment.

(4)  Breaking routines. People are creatures of habit. They like to stay within their comfort zones by continuing routine role patterns that make life predictable. Changes within their workplace or place of worship are viewed with as much gravitas as changes that take place within their own living rooms. Also, people simply do not wish to invest the time and energy necessary in order to learn new role patterns.

(5)  Incongruent organizational systems. Social and psychological rewards accompany certain role patterns within any organization. People do not wish to alter such well-known unspoken social structures.

(6)  Incongruent team dynamics. Groups develop and enforce conformity to a set of norms that guide behavior. However, conformity to existing team/group norms may discourage people from accepting organizational change. In the eyes of those who resist change, new norms that conflict with the status quo must be eliminated (p. 490-91).

Forces Resisting Organizational Change

Progressive-minded leaders within the organization must create a climate that cultivates change. For this to occur, the leaders must lay a foundation of instruction that teaches people about the necessity of change in a world of constant movement. If the people don’t see the need for change, increased resistance will overwhelm any purposeful increase in driving forces and a continuance of the status quo will be the end result.

The visionary leader is one who can anticipate cultural forces and see the need for the organization to adapt to face the new challenges that lie ahead. In churches, such leaders must, through their teaching, counseling, and personal interaction with the people in their congregation, create a sense of crisis and urgency for change. This must be done carefully and over time, but it must be done if the church is to stay properly contextualized and relevant to the culture it is attempting to reach for the cause of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

This does not mean that the church must become “of” the world in order to reach it (cf. John 15:18; 17:16), for the Gospel message possesses universal relevance and, by its very nature as God-given propositional truth, unchanging. However, church leadership must recognize that the church is to be “in” the world (cf. John 17:11, 18) in the sense that we are still here on earth (for we were not instantly translated into the presence of the Lord when we were saved) so that we may carry out our task as ambassadors of the King until He returns to inaugurate His reign in all of its fullness. Being “in” the world as ambassadors necessarily implies that we are to be constantly reaching out to communicate the Gospel in ways that are understandable and meaningful to the culture around us.

For the church to remain static in its outreach and methods of communicating with the culture is to stubbornly stand opposed the effective advancement of the Gospel of our Lord. Paul’s charge to “not be conformed to this world” (Romans 12:2) simply does not apply to the effective, relevant communication of the Gospel by Holy Spirit-empowered and –sensitive saints who are pursuing what is good and eschewing the wicked elements within culture. Paul’s own preaching on Mars Hill in Acts 17 displays a willingness to confront the world with the Gospel on its own turf, utilizing fleeting and changing elements of localized culture (which is itself shaped by those who are created in the image of God) as touchstones for the unchanging truth of the Gospel. Therefore, culturally relevant evangelism cannot be what the Holy Spirit is forbidding in Romans 12:2.

The church never needs to change (its message) but always needs to change (the form that the message takes). Christian leaders must refuse to be defeated by the familiar rhythms of the church’s existence. This merely condemns the church to continue down the same failed path as our most recent predecessors. [1] The solution cannot be to simply shout the message louder. We must change the way we are delivering the message. It is the task of the men whom God has called to pastor our churches to constantly and consistently lay the foundation for effective change within their respective congregations.

McShane and Von Glinow (2008) point out that “effective change occurs by unfreezing the current situation, moving to a desired condition, and then refreezing the system so that it remains in this desired state” (p. 489). In light of what has been said above, any refreezing that occurs should be understood as contingent and temporary.

The church needs to recognize that we are sojourners and pilgrims in this world (1 Peter 2:11). As such, we need to stop building immutable, permanent edifices that testify to the methodologies and religion of past generations. We need to stop sitting around pining about the supposed glory days of Christian yore and whining that the culture has moved on from Churchianity to something else. We need to stop practicing a dead Nostaligianity [2] and embrace a living, vibrant, New Testament Christianity.

Our post-church culture has moved so far beyond these older forms of the expression of the Christian faith that it no longer understands or even values them. My prayer is that church leaders of all ages would recognize the value and necessity of moving their congregations in directions where we can make the Gospel make sense again in our culture. My prayer is for a great “unfreezing” to occur in our churches. It is my conviction that unless such an unfreezing takes place, we will not see Gospel revival again in our lifetimes.

References:

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. (2006). Version 2.1. Accordance Bible Software, Version 8.2.3, 2009. 

Lindsey, B. (2009). Nostalgianomics: Liberal economists pine for days no liberal should want to revisit. The Wall Street Journal. Available: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB124508075585515437.html [24 June 2009].

McShane, S. L. & Von Glinow, M. A. (2008). Organizational Behavior: Emerging Realities for the Workplace Revolution. New York: McGraw-Hill/Irwin.

A Question of Mangement: Carol Bartz on how Yahoo’s organizational structure got in the way of innovation. (2009). The Wall Street Journal. Available: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203431004574196080698220124.html [24 June 2009].

Shalit, W. (2009). Delighting in dust bunnies: The elusive quest for domestic order. The Wall Street Journal. Available: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204482304574217822376214350.html [24 June 2009].


[1] I owe the structure and wording of this and the previous sentence to a portion of Wendy Shalit’s “Delighting in Dust Bunnies: The elusive quest for domestic order.”

[2] I came up with the term “Nostalgianity” after reading Brink Lindsey’s “Nostalgianomics: Liberal economists pine for days no liberal should want to revisit.”

Note: Illustrations are from McShane and Von Glinow’s Organizational Behavior.

Narcissism and Overcoming Socioemotional Conflict

Slightly altered detail of "Echo and Narcissus" by John William Waterhouse, 1903

Slightly altered detail of "Echo and Narcissus" by John William Waterhouse, 1903

At some level, it is simply not possible to avoid negative, dysfunctional conflict from occurring. Due to background, experience, or conscious decision, some people are narcissists and are incapable of empathy and other-centeredness. Self-entitled narcissists simply do not possess the emotional intelligence necessary to operate in a healthy environment of constructive conflict. They tend to see all conflicts as socioemotional in nature, as attacks against persons rather than ideas. Therefore they always view conflict as being destructive in nature, rather than being a functionally positive experience.

The entire interpersonal strategy of the narcissist is a “self-defeating” one (Moeller, et al., 2009, p. 448) that prevents him or her from achieving genuine emotional and social growth in life. The extreme defensiveness of the chronic narcissist creates a self-fulfilling and repeating bubble-cycle of conflict that can be extremely difficult to penetrate apart from the work and ministry of the Holy Spirit of God. From a pastoral and Christian community perspective, perhaps it is true that such deeply embedded self-centeredness “cannot be driven out by anything but prayer” (Mark 9:29). [1]  

Regardless of the presence or absence of narcissists, the leader must do what he or she can to nurture an environment where others can feel comfortable with a certain level of creative conflict. One of the ways that this can be done is to emphasize superordinate goals and values. Superordinate goals are “common objectives held by conflicting parties that are more important than their conflicting departmental or individual goals” (McShane and Von Glinow, 2008, p. 381).

In a church setting, and example of a commonly held superordinate goal would be the furtherance of the saving gospel message. A reminder of this message should collectively foster a missional mindset in all participants in the discussion, which should assist in bringing a unity of purpose to the situation at hand.

In times of conflict and in times of relative peace, the leader figure should always be bringing his or her people back to the remembrance of the core values of the organization. This helps to foster a long-term communal, team-, and goal-oriented mindset among the group. For example, at Grace Church of Philly, we have identified our core values as such: transformational, relational, incarnational, and missional. When the leader brings clarity to these values, our overall commitment to Christ and his gospel are empowered and socioemotional conflict can be depersonalized.

If conflict arises, the leader can bring clarity to the situation by reminding the participants that we are a transformational community. This means that we are prayerfully depending on the power of God’s Word and the ministry of the Holy Spirit to transform people characterized by selfishness and death to selflessness and life, from destructive conflict to constructive creativity.

If conflict arises, the leader can bring clarity and resolution by reminding the group that we are a relational community that joyfully offers love and grace to everyone unconditionally, regardless of their opinions on a particular matter.

If conflict arises, the leader can bring clarity by reminding everyone that we are an incarnational community that is fully committed to embodying the Spirit of Christ and practically living out the gospel of grace face-to-face with everyone we meet.

If conflict arises, the leader can bring clarity by reminding the group that we are a missional community that is intentional about our engagement with those who have not known or have misunderstood Jesus Christ.

It is by fostering a unity of purpose in the values of the community that leaders and facilitators can help overcome socioemotional interpersonal conflict in the midst of the organization. However, as was pointed out previously, leaders should never strive for the total abscense of conflict altogether, for the dangers of groupthink loom as large or even larger than the dangers of socioemotional conflict. I agree wholeheartedly with a saying that is attributed to Martin Luther King, Jr.: “There is a type of constructive, nonviolent tension which is necessary for growth.”

References:

The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. (2006). Version 2.1. Accordance Bible Software, Version 8.2.3, 2009. 

McShane, S. L. & Von Glinow, M. A. (2008). Organizational Behavior: Emerging Realities for the Workplace Revolution. New York: McGraw-Hill/Irwin.

Moeller, S., Crocker, J., & Bushman, B. (2009). Creating Hostility and Conflict: Effects of Entitlement and Self-image Goals. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 45, 448-452. Accessed 9 June 2009.

The NET Bible, First Edition Notes. (2005). Biblical Studies Press. Version 3.3. Accordance Bible Software, Version 8.2.3, 2009. 


 1. On the omission of “and fasting” from this reference: “Most witnesses, even early and excellent ones have ‘and fasting’ (kai nesteia) after ‘prayer’ here. But this seems to be a motivated reading, due to the early church’s emphasis on fasting (TCGNT 85; cf., e.g., 2 Clem. 16:4; Pol. Phil 7:2; Did. 1:3; 7:4). That the most important witnesses, as well as a few others, lack kai nesteia when a good reason for the omission is difficult to find, argues strongly for the shorter reading” (NET Notes on Mark 9:29).  

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